I hate work, totally, utterly, completely. There is not one thing or person there I appreciate, except for the few who remind me not to let customers walk on me. "You can't be too nice!" Exactly right. I shouldn't be so nice, and I shouldn't put others before me. Why do I do it all the time? Axe says the day he's on his death bed and he calls for me I wont be there, because I'll be too busy sacrificing everything for someone else, "Sure, my fiance is dieing but I can cover your shift. Sure I can bring you to the grocery store. Sure I can babysit your dogs." I just want to slap myself until I realize I have a self, that needs to be acknowledged and respected. It wouldn't be so bad, if I were normal, and like everyone else. If I were capable of handling appropriately and confidently social situations. My head fogs up, and I detach almost immediately upon walking through those doors. Into that nightmare place, cluttered with all sorts of things, the only windows at the front of the store and upstairs in the break room and bathroom. It's not enough. I need light! I won't ask you to wish my luck, while I'm trapped inside those walls until 8:00 PM tonight. If I can't stand up for myself, I'll be ridden into the ground. Starting today I'll try to be a little more brave and confident. Starting today, I'll respect myself and voice my opinions more often. Today and every day I'll acknowledge myself as someone worth while and important. I'll do things for me, and not for everyone else.
]]>Everyone recognizes a pretty face.
]]>
The place looks immaculate. Evelyn did an amazing job cleaning. She has her friends over, and they're drinking and chatting, now the board games are coming out. "Dirty Minds," and "Boxers or Briefs." I'm not in the mood to be social tonight, and I hope they don't think I am snubbing them by hiding away in my sister's bedroom, listening to music. I am so tired, and all I want to do is sleep or put in a movie. I still haven't seen "Gone Baby Gone" and everyone's been talking about how much of a great movie it is.
My boyfriend bought my return ticket. I leave next weekend. I am pretty excited about going home. To be with him, to be in familiar surroundings. To walk in the snow, through chilly New England streets with a warm drink in hand.